You Found me…

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin’ on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

Has a song ever moved you? That moment when you listen to a song and the lyrics just sink in ; you become lost within its meaning.  I was listening to this today, and strangely found myself in tears, think it just hit a nerve and unlocked these emotions that I’ve been building up. I guess I was just  waiting for something to set me off into a pool of water works. Sigh. I feel lost. That’s why I’m trying to keep myself occupied to get my mind off life. I can’t complain and I shouldn’t as I am considerably blessed with life. I’m not one that necessarily likes to show my emotions, I tend to just bottle it up but recently I’ve over flown this bottle that I’ve reached the verge of bursting point. I have such anger that I can’t express, indirectly I have – I’ve taken it out on my friends, which is wrong when they aren’t the cause and its not fair on them. Hence I’ve confined in writing, thought it might help me channel this frustration and anger.

I’ve got rid of my whatsapp / facebook/ twitter, I need a break from social networking site, need time to find myself. Not intending to be antisocial but I want to get away from this drama that is following me. My insecurities are making the worse out of me, as much as I push them behind and wear a smile to show that it’s not bothering me- inside its killing me, tearing my heart. I’m not jealous, at least I don’t think I am, I have no reason to be, I just feel that I’m in a vicious circle- the same mistakes over and over again and I’m getting hurt by it. I keep saying to myself I’m over reacting, just ignore it, its nothing – but when other people can notice it to and approach you about it, I can’t help but think that I am allowed to be feeling like this. How am I feeling? Hurt? Angry? Frustrated? Foolish?

My sisters say I feel like this because I care…Maybe I care too much?

Something that may seem meaningless to you – can be interpreted and mean something more in someone else’s eyes and mind. Grr I have split minds to just delete everything I have just written, sounds like a load of nonsense written my an insecure child but oh well its helping me, and who knows maybe it makes sense to one of you readers.

I shall leave you with this song- It’s first on my top ten favourite songs ever ( obviously not including Mcfly as they are my favourite band and have a completely different list!)  Enjoy!

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